A Miracle!

We have discovered a miracle!

Since before Jace was born, I have been participating in every free parenting and health program I can find out about, and one of the programs that I participate in is called Parents as Teachers. Basically, a woman comes to my house once a month and we discuss Jace's development and she gives tips,etc. Because of my education and child development background, I already know most of the information, so we usually just have a laidback time to talk, ask questions, etc. I really like her, and she is always VERY positive about Jace and his development, and says great things like "I think he is challenging you because he is so smart and so advanced." I'd much rather think it's because he's gifted than spoiled! Anyway, I was telling her about his recent tantrum development, and she assured me all was normal and he is just independent and intelligent. To make a long story not quite as long as it is quickly becoming, we talked about the bedtime issue, and she recommended that I try leaving a light on or his door open or something. Since he has slept with the lights off and his door closed his whole life, it didn't occur to me that he would even know to be scared or want the door open, but he does open his door and stand in his doorway to cry a lot. SO - that night, I put him to bed like normal, he opened his door and threw a fit, so when I put him back to bed, I left the door open. He didn't make a noise for the rest of the night. For the last 8 nights since then he has not had one single temper tantrum going to bed. He still gets up and plays, and even after I think he's gone to sleep I'll go in to check on him and he'll be sitting at his table playing with his bead puzzle in the dark. However, now, all I have to do is walk in the room and he puts his toys away and climbs back in bed - all smiles. This has tremendously reduced our (or at least my) evening stress load. I cannot believe that such a frustrating stress source was seemingly eradicated (at least temporarily) by such a simple solution. Maybe that's what I get for thinking he was turning into a brat - I felt pretty bad discovering he just didn't want to feel disconnected from us... he's also been waking up in a better mood since the new bedtime thing, he's been eating slightly better, and he has - overall - been happier! Rejoice! I think we're going to make it, we've just got to learn to listen to his non-verbal communication and be willing to meet him in the middle and put ourselves in his place sometimes. He really is turning into a little person - he's not a baby anymore!

Dr. Jace and Mr. Hyde

I think we might be going crazy.

I really need to hear, "it's totally normal, it's his age, he's going through a phase, this stage is going to pass, etc...." It's as though he turns into an entirely different child from time to time. Sometimes he is still the sweet, loving, fun, spunky little boy that I know, but now, at the drop of a hat, he can instantly transform into a terror. It's like he woke up one morning and decided to be a spoiled brat. What happened?? He is 21 months, and I know they call it the terrible twos for a good reason, but this is really extreme. He refuses to eat (that's been going on for a while, but now he is on a strict peanut-butter only diet), he will NOT go to bed, he spends an hour (at least) being put back and back into bed. He's started hitting and kicking and the daycare has mentioned a couple times in the last few days that they are concerned about his temper tantrums because he throws himself down and bangs his head on the floor. He still won't talk at home, but the daycare swears he talks there. He has probably ten or fifteen words that they say he says, and even some two word phrases like, "give five." I can't even get him to say Mommy at home anymore, if I try he throws a fit. We can't take him out anywhere anymore because he is into everything and thinks nothing of throwing an all out, rolling on the ground, kicking, screaming temper tantrum in the aisle at Wal-Mart or outside on the sidewalk. What am I supposed to do? I am trying to be firm and consistent and not give in to his tantrums, but how am I supposed to get anything accomplished? He can open doors, so I can't leave him in his room to throw a fit. Yesterday, while I was making dinner, he would lay on the kitchen floor kicking me. When I wouldn't let him kick me, he took his shoes off and threw them at me, when I took his shoes away, he started hitting, and when I wouldn't let him hit me, he beat up the refrigerator. I kept trying to put him in his room, he kept running back out. I have to make dinner, I have to do homework, and in the evenings, I have to make sure he stays relatively quiet for Thomas's tutoring kids. I hate to see him upset at all, I want him to be happy, but I want him to be disciplined and well behaved as well, so how do I find a happy medium? We're a little frustrated with him. Any suggestions?